I let my kid miss breakfast today.

Okay, before you all come at me, it's not as bad as it sounds.

She didn't actually miss breakfast. She didn't even miss a meal. She'll get breakfast at school and she'll be perfectly fine.

But that didn't stop the mom guilt from creeping up.

Let me back up.

Today was a school day. And like most school mornings, things felt a little chaotic.

My daughter, who just started fifth grade, is responsible for getting herself ready for school.

Of course, she's still learning. And I want her to be successful so I help her in small ways.

I wake her up. I remind her that she needs to get dressed and brush her teeth before she comes downstairs. If she wants to bring her own lunch, she knows she's responsible for making it. We've talked about ways to make that easier like packing it the night before.

Before she leaves, I ask her if she has all her things.

“Do you have your lunch? Your snack? Your water bottle? Any homework or forms?”

“Do you have orchestra today? Don't forget your viola.”

“Do you have gym today? Don't forget your sneakers.”

“Did you check the weather today? Do you want a sweatshirt?”

These are some of the little things I do to help her learn how to prepare for school while still giving her the responsibility of actually doing it.

And there are the time reminders...so many time reminders.

“We have to go outside in half an hour.”

“The bus will be here in 20 minutes....10 minutes....5 minutes...”

“The bus is one street away.  You better hurry.”

Well today the bus pulled up to our street and sudden her eyes got wide. I heard panic in her voice.

“I didn't eat any breakfast.”

“Bring it with you.”

“I can't. We're not allowed to eat on the bus.”

“Then take a few quick bites.” (Her bagel was already toasted, smothered with cream cheese and jut waiting at the island.)

“No, there's no time. I'll have to eat breakfast at school.”

Then I felt my own worries start to show up.

She can't go to school without breakfast.  She needs breakfast. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

Sure, she can eat at school but that won't be for another 45 minutes. What will they serve her? Will she like it (and therefore even eat it)? Will she have enough time? Will it be enough food?

Then came th thought I think so many moms know all too well....

“Maybe I should drive her.”

“If I drive her, she can have another 15 minutes at home. She can eat in the car. She can take her time. She can eat what she likes.”

I could fix this.

Except fixing it really wasn't that simple. Driving her isn't as easy as it sounds. Her school is 15 minutes away. And parent drop off doesn't start until about 45 minutes after her bus comes. So I'd have to wait at home, drive 15 minutes to school, wait in the drop-off line and then drive 15 minutes home.

It would mean giving up an hour of my morning.

An hour I usually use to eat my own breakfast. Clean up the kitchen. Check emails. Get myself organized. Do all the things that hep myworkday start smoothly.

Sacrificing time to do all those things so my own day can start out smoothly.

It would mean creating more stress for myself so she wouldn't have to experience a little discomfort.

I was about to sacrifice an hour of my morning to solve a problem that...

1. I didn't create.

2. She was capable of handling.

3. Already had a perfectly reasonable solution.

She could eat breakfast at school.

Why is our first instinct so often to make it our problem?

This wasn't really about a bagel. It was about that automatic urge so many of us have as moms to swoop in and make things easier.

When our kids forget something, we bring it. When someone's running late, we rearrange our schedule. When someone else is stressed, we absorb some of the stress ourselves. Sometimes that's part of parenting.

But sometimes we make our own lives harder because we've convinced ourselves that being a good mom means preventing our kids from ever experiencing the consequences of their choices.

And that's what I had to remind myself this morning. I'm trying to teach my daughter responsibility. She's still learning how to manage her morning.

Sometimes we need to let our kids fall in order to learn the important life lessons. That's not a parenting failure. That's life. If I always jump in and rescue her, she doesn't get the chance to figure that out and I take on yet another thing that doesn't actually need to belong to me.

She will not starve if she goes one morning without eating breakfast at home. And I'll keep my morning in tact to do the things I need to do.

She'll still get breakfast. And maybe tomorrow she'll plan time to eat her bagel. Or maybe she won't. She's ten. We're working on it.

So I didn't drive her. I let her (hopefully) learn a lesson while protecting an hour of my own morning in the process.

Today, I put one thing down.

What are you picking up that doesn't actually belong to you?

Maybe your version has nothing to do with breakfast. Maybe you're constantly fixing, reminding, anticipating, organizing, rescuing or compensating so nobody else has to be inconvenienced.

Every individual thing seems small but eventually all those little things become your life feeling completely unmanageable while everyone else's runs a little more smoothly.

You don't have to make things harder for yourself just to make things easier for everyone else.

That's a big part of the work I do with so many overwhelmed, working and career-minded moms. And I can do that for you too. I can help you figure out what you can finally put down (or not pick up in the first place) and give yourself permission to do so.

You don't have to figure that out by yourself.

I've created a variety of ways to support you whether you're looking for practical resources you can use on your own or more personalized one-on-one support.

Whether you're ready to make a big change or simply take one small step today, I'll meet you where you are.

See How I Can Help.

From mom to mom, please remember you are not alone and I'm always cheering you on.

xoxo,

Christi