Tired And Stressed Or Truly Burned Out? How to Tell The Difference

If you're exhausted all the time, overwhelmed by everything on your plate and wondering how much longer you can keep going like this, you may have found yourself asking:

Am I just really stressed...or am I actually burned out?

It's an important question because although we often use the words stressand burnoutinterchangeably, they're not the same thing.

Stress and burnout can have different causes, affect us differently and, most importantly, require different kinds of support.

And for working and career-minded moms, figuring out the difference can be especially difficult because being tired, overwhelmed and stretched too thin has become so normalized that sometimes we don't recognize there's a problem until we're barely hanging on.

So how can you tell the difference between normal stress and actual burnout?

Before We Dive In....

Hi! I'm Christi. I'm a Burnout Coach for Moms, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, a podcast host and a married mom of two incredibly amazing kids who I love to pieces...and who also make me want to pull my hair out.

Let me tell you, when I say I understand what it's like to feel like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders while trying to hold everything together for everyone else, I really mean it. And I also understand that we're working against a system that wasn't built with working moms in mind.

I've been there personally and I've worked with countless women who have been there too.

One thing I've learned is this:

Being exhausted doesn't automatically mean you're burned out. But constantly pushing through and assuming you're "just stressed" can prevent you from recognizing burnout when it happens.

Understanding the difference matters.

What Does Stress Actually Look Like?

Everybody experiences stress.

Maybe you have a huge deadline at work, your child wakes up sick on the same morning you're supposed to give a presentation, your car breaks down or you're trying to pull together a birthday party while also managing the other 5,000 things happening in your life.

Even positive experiences like getting married, buying a house or starting a new job can be stressful.

Stress is essentially your body's response to a demand, pressure or perceived threat. It can affect you physically and psychologically, and when you're stressed you may notice things like racing thoughts, irritability, anxiety, headaches, muscle tension, fatigue or digestive problems.

You might also feel like you're constantly in go, go, go mode.

But one of the biggest differences between stress and burnout is that stress is usually temporary.

When you're stressed, there's usually a clear, identifiable reason. You know that things will get better once you make it through whatever is happening.

Maybe you're telling yourself:

"I just have to get through this week."

"Once this project is done, things will settle down."

"If I can just make it through today..."

There's an end in sight. And once the stressor is gone, you usually start to feel better.

What Does Burnout Feel Like?

Burnout, on the other hand, goes deeper.

It usually develops over time after you've spent weeks, months or even years constantly pushing yourself physically, mentally or emotionally without enough opportunities to recover.

Instead of thinking, "I just have to get through this week," you may start thinking things like:

"This is never going to end."

"Nothing I do is ever enough."

"I can't keep doing this."

That's a very different experience. Instead of feeling temporarily tired, you might feel a persistent sense of exhaustion that doesn't seem to get better even when you take a nap or get a good night's rest.

Instead of feeling motivated to tackle everything on your plate, you might start feeling disconnected from it. You might become apathetic toward your work, your responsibilities or even the people you love. You might feel emotionally numb, cynical or resentful. Things that used to bring you joy might not anymore.

And eventually, you might start wondering what happened to the person you used to be.

Stress vs. Burnout: What's The Difference?

One of the easiest ways to think about the difference is this:

Stress often feels like too much. Burnout can start to feel like there's nothing left to give.

When you're stressed, you might still feel motivated and engaged. You're overwhelmed, but you're doing everything you can to keep up. When you're burned out, that motivation can start disappearing.

With stress, taking a break or getting some rest might help you feel much, much better. With burnout, you might wonder why you still feel exhausted even after you finally get an afternoon to yourself, sleep in or take a weekend away.

With stress, you often believe relief is coming. With burnout, you may start to feel like there is no end in sight.

Knowing which one you're experiencing is really important because that's going to affect the kind of support you really need to feel better.

Burnout In Working Moms Doesn't Always Look Like Falling Apart

This is one of the most important things I want working moms to understand about burnout:

You can be burned out and still be functioning.

This is one of the reasons so many moms don't realize when they're actually burned out.  From the outside, you might look completely fine. You're still going to work, packing lunches, scheduling appointments, responding to emails, getting your kids where they need to go, making dinner, helping with homework, doing laundry and keeping track of the million little things nobody else seems to notice.

You're doing all the things. And that's exactly why burnout can be so easy to miss, especially in high-functioning women.

Everyone else sees someone who's handling it. In fact, you might even be rewarded for it with compliments and promotions.

On the inside, though, you feel like you're barely hanging on.

Signs You Might Be Experiencing Burnout

Burnout can look different from one person to another, but there are some signs worth paying attention to.

You may notice that you're:

• Exhausted even after you've rested

• More irritable or impatient than usual

• Snapping at your spouse or kids even when you don't want to

• Resentful that nobody seems to recognize how much you're doing

• Struggling to focus or make decisions

• Forgetting things more often

• Feeling less motivated

• Disconnected from your family, work or responsibilities

• No longer enjoying things you used to enjoy

• Feeling emotionally numb

• Wondering where youwent in the middle of everything you're doing for everyone else

You might even finally get a few hours to yourself only to discover that it doesn't really make you feel any better.

That can be really confusing because if everyone keeps telling you that you just need a break, what does it mean when the break doesn't fix it?

Why Self-Care Alone Isn't Enough To Fix Burnout

When you're stressed, short-term coping strategies can be incredibly helpful.

You might feel better after you go for a walk, take a break, do some breathing exercises, take a nap or  spend some time alone.

All of those things can help regulate your nervous system and give you some relief when you're dealing with stress. And to be clear, those things are important when you're burned out too.

The problem is when they're the only things you're doing.

If you're chronically overwhelmed because you're carrying an impossible mental load, taking a bubble bath isn't going to change the mental load.

If you're resentful because you're responsible for almost everything at home, going for a walk isn't going to redistribute the responsibilities.

If your worth is tied to productivity and you're constantly pushing yourself to prove you're doing enough, a massage isn't going to change that belief.

Trying to beat burnout with stress-management strategies alone is a little like covering up the cracks without fixing the foundation. Eventually, you have to look underneath.

Burnout Recovery Means Addressing The Root Of The Problem

If you're truly burned out, the question isn't only, "How can I feel better today?"

The more important question is, "What is making my life feel this way in the first place?"

That's where burnout recovery starts to look different from stress management.

You may need to look at:

• How you're spending your time

• Where you need stronger boundaries

• Whether responsibilities are being shared fairly at home

• How you define success and your own worth

• Feelings of guilt or resentment you've been carrying

• How you're regulating your nervous system

• Whether you have enough support

• Your identity outside of being a mom, wife and employee

And sometimes the answer isn't learning how to fit more into your already-packed schedule.

Sometimes it's figuring out what needs to come outof it.

Stop Telling Yourself It's, “Just A Busy Season”

I think this is where a lot of working moms get stuck. You keep telling yourself things like:

"Things are just crazy right now."

"Once this project is over..."

"Once the kids are out of school..."

"Once the kids go back to school..."

"Once this season ends..."

But then there's always something else.

If you've been feeling physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted for months and nothing seems to make a meaningful difference, it's worth paying attention to that.

The truth is, if you continue to treat burnout like ordinary stress by constantly pushing through, working harder and waiting for life to calm down, you're likely going to find the problem is only going to get worse.

So....Are You Stressed Or Burned Out?

There's no single symptom that can answer that question for everybody. Instead, you need to look at the bigger picture. Ask yourself questions such as:

Is this temporary or has this become my normal?

Do I still believe relief is coming or does it feel like there's no end in sight?

Does rest actually help me feel better?

Am I overwhelmed but still engaged or am I starting to feel disconnected and numb?

Do I still enjoy the things I used to enjoy?

Do I feel like myself anymore?

Am I constantly changing how I cope with my life...or does something about my life itself need to change?

If you're still unsure, take this free quiz HERE.

You don't need to wait until you're completely falling apart to decide that something isn't working.

You Don't Have to Do This Alone

If you've made it this far, one more thing I want you to know....

You don't have to figure this out on your own.

If you're stressed but not burned out, now is a great time to pay attention to what's draining you and make changes before you reach that point.

And if you areburned out, you don't have to keep telling yourself to push through it.

You deserve more than simply surviving your days and waiting for life to get easier. You deserve a life that feels good...one where you feel rested, happy, excited and fulfilled.

Let me help.

Whether it's accessing my free resources, purchasing one of my self-paced digital courses or e-books, or signing up for one-on-one coaching sessions for personalized support and accountability, my goal is to help you feel supported, overcome burnout, reconnect with yourself and create a version of motherhood that feels more sustainable.

Whether you're ready to jump in with both feet or simply take one small step today, I'll meet you where you are.

Visit my website HERE to learn about all the ways I can help you.

From mom to mom, please remember you are not alone and I'm always cheering you on.

xoxo,

Christi